


What Once Was

by xxtakemyhandxx



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Adultery, Angst, Drug Use, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-04 03:39:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14011365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxtakemyhandxx/pseuds/xxtakemyhandxx
Summary: After Mary died and John broke more than just his heart Sherlock has moved on and is as close to happy as he believes possible now that Victor is in his life. What happens when John returns and Sherlock can't say no?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, this is my first attempt at writing a Johnlock fic and I was really nervous about posting it but decided to do it anyway. The next chapter should be up soon. I hope you enjoy!

They fall onto the bed out of breath and breathing heavily. He hated the moment after they both climaxed, all the doubt about what he was doing washed over as soon as his head hits the pillow. He turned to look at John, who was already facing him.

“Fuck.”

The one word floated over Sherlock’s head; the gravity of the situation staring him in the face. Making Sherlock hate everything that had just happened. Not because he hadn’t wanted it, because oh god he wanted it every time, but because he always regretted sleeping with him after. 

Not knowing how to respond, Sherlock offered John a faint smile and got out of bed. He then made his way to the pile of discarded clothes on the other side of the room.

“You’re leaving already? You always leave so soon. Stay the night. Please.” John pleaded with him like this after every visit. It was a weak attempt to return to what once was.

“You know I can’t, I've already kept him waiting too long.”

“Tell him you have to leave London for a case and will be back tomorrow afternoon. I miss you falling asleep in my arms.”

“I can’t.” Sherlock looked over his shoulder as he finished buttoning up his shirt. John was still smiling but there was pain in his eyes.

“I understand.”

Sherlock finished getting dressed and went into the sitting room to fetch his coat, but John stopped him before he could get through the doorway. 

“I was there that night.”

Sherlock to paused and waited for John to continue.

“Your brother told me what happened, Sherlock, I saw what I did to you I’m so sorry.”

Sherlock turned around completely, to finally confront the man who saved and then destroyed him. 

“We’ve been sleeping together for months now, and you’re just telling me this?”

“I’ve been meaning to. God Sherlock, for so long.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I…”

Sherlock stood there in the doorway, waiting for John to fix everything. To offer an explanation that would change what happened all those years ago, that would make him feel better about what he was doing to Victor. Of course, life isn’t that easy. 

“It had already been done. I couldn’t go back in time and change what happened. I would if it was possible.”

Sherlock felt the pain again. After being numb for so long he remembered why he couldn't cut things off after Mary came into their lives. John Watson was the only person who made him feel something.

“Goodbye, John.” He then ran out of the flat before John could stop him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Sherlock, I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry. I didn't mean anything that I said. You’re so smart how could you not have known?”

“John, I’m surprised you came.”

“Mycroft, what happened? How could you let this happen?”

“I’m not the one who broke his heart.”

“I was going to leave her. I was drunk. How could he not have known?”

“Maybe because you married her? You’re the father of her child? Oh, let’s not forget how you beat him and then continued to blame him for her death?”

“Mycroft, I know why I screwed up, just tell me if he’s going to be okay?”

“I found him on the floor back at 221B, he was holding this."

“Oh god, Sherlock.”

“He’s been slowly killing himself for months according to that piece of paper. You’re a Doctor, John, how could you not have known?”

“Don’t blame this just on me, you’re the one who’s always spying on us. You know everything, how could you have not noticed this?”

“I wasn’t having an affair with him Dr. Watson. I also didn't beat him to a pulp multiple times. Say your goodbyes, there’s no way in hell I’m going to let you be here if he wakes up.”

“When he-“

“If.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The door felt heavier this time as Sherlock slowly pushed it open hoping he beat Victor home.

“There you are love.” He walked over and kissed Sherlock’s cheek. “Where have you been?”

“Victor, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“What is it Sherlock?”

Sherlock took his boyfriend’s hand and led him over to the sofa, sitting next to him and keeping their hands in his lap refusing to meet Victors’ gaze.

“John came by the flat a couple months ago to apologize, I’ve been seeing him at least twice a week since then.”

Victor inhaled sharply and paused before continuing. “Thank you for telling me.” Sherlock looked up at him confused. Victor placed a hand gently on Sherlock’s cheek.

“I know you have never loved anyone like you loved John, and I'm okay with that. Now the question I have for you is, where are you going to go from here?”

Sherlock didn’t know how to answer that question at first. It had always been easy to talk to Victor, the man is the reason he’s still alive after all. He looked back at their hands in his lap.

“I’m not mad at you Sherlock, hurt, but not mad. I know you don’t feel the same about me as you do him. I’m only asking because at some point John Watson is going to hurt you again and I have a feeling he already has. It took years for the pain to leave your eyes and it’s back now. What happened tonight?”

“He was there in the hospital the night I overdosed. I thought I imagined it.” 

“He hadn’t told you till now? That wasn’t part of the apology? Look Sherlock, I know you love him and after all the suffering he’s caused you I have no idea how you are even giving him a second chance.”

“I wasn’t. The day he came over I told him about you. It’s similar to the arrangement we had before only this time the significant other being betrayed hadn’t shot one of the members of the adultery. Which I guess makes me worse than him.”

“His wife shot you and he still stayed married to her. You have an excellent boyfriend who will stand by you no matter what you choose. He’s still worse than you my dear.”

“How can you still say that after I’ve been cheating on you for months? I’ve never once let you touch me the way I let him and you still are willing to be with me?”

“I love you enough to see you happy no matter how I feel. The only reason I’m pushing the matter is because you were happy before you left this morning and now you’re about to break into tears.” Victor sighed and removed his hands from Sherlock’s and went into the kitchen. “Are you going to continue to see him?” Victor asked over his shoulder. 

“Now that I know he’s back in London I can’t exactly stop myself.”

“What was his reasoning for telling you he was at the hospital that night?”

“He wanted me to spend the night. I haven’t since he’s been back.” 

“Did you want to?” Victor reapered in the doorway and leaned up against the frame, crossing his arms.

“Yes, but I wanted to keep this a secret from you for as long as possible.”

“Then why did you decide to tell me? I had no idea.” Sherlock looked back at his hands in his lap. “I was reminded me of the pain he caused me, I couldn’t stand the thought of doing that to you.” Victor walked back into the kitchen and braced himself on the counter. “If you want to go back over I’m not stopping you.” Hands wrapped around his torso from behind and Sherlock’s head rested on his shoulder.

“Not tonight, I really just want to go to bed.”


	2. Chapter 2

John stormed in and flung the door open to 221B. His face was red and scrunched up in an expression Sherlock learned to recognise as pure rage. The last time Sherlock saw that face on John was when John's boot had connected with his side repeatedly. Sherlock was ready for the beating he was about to receive and sat down on the sofa watching John carefully.

"I can't believe this!" Sherlock flinched at every word.

"They're taking her away from me. Do you understand that? They're taking her away because her father associated with the likes of you!" John stompped across the sitting room, pointing his finger at Sherlock while raising his voice which Sherlock did not think was possible.

"John, I'm so sorry I had no idea..." John's fist met with Sherlock's cheek. 

"Stupid junkie machine! I can't believe I ever let you share my bed!" 

John continuously hit Sherlock until he fell off the sofa and landed on the floor. John gave him a few good kicks before leaving the flat. Sherlock felt tears run down his face as he reached under the sofa. John's face was the last thing he saw behind his eyelids as he stuck the needle in his arm.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Brother of mine, I'm surprised you called. So soon after being discharged. Thank you again for cooperating with the Doctors and staying the full stint, Mummy was so pleased. Now, I'm assuming you're calling about Doctor Watson. My sources have him landing in Portland sometime yesterday afternoon. It's assumed that he as an aunt there who's not in the best condition." 

"How long?"

"It was a one way ticket. My man in the area will keep me updated on his position if it changes."

Sherlock hung up the phone, his face and ribs still bruised. Tears were running down his face as he searched the flat for something to take the pain away. He heard unfamiliar footsteps climbing up the stairs. Sherlock wiped the tears away hoping the intruder was coming to end his life since he has been unsuccessful on his own. 

"Hello William, you're brother called and said you needed a friend. Sorry to just walk in but the door was open." In the doorway of 221B stood a friendly face he forgot years ago.

"Victor Trevor?" Sherlock looked at his childhood friend with pain and confusion. 

"It has been a long time hasn't it? Now come on and pack a bag. Your brother has insisted on me kidnapping you for a while and I really don't want to do it forcefully." The smile Victor had on his face was bright enough to dull the pain in Sherlock's chest. 

"It's not kidnapping if I go willingly."

"There's the Holmes I know and love."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sherlock was in the kitchen of the flat he and Victor shared together. He was staring into the microscope cataloging the bacteria found on the door handle of his boyfriend's office. Victor had been getting sick repeatedly for weeks and Sherlock was determined to find the source. 

A knock on the front door startled him. He hadn't heard the footsteps round the corner. He absentmindedly went to go answer it. Sherlock had noticed his change in brain function; he wasn't as alert as he had been, but he hadn't minded that much. He was still solving cases and Victor made him happy. He was content with his new life, well as content as one could be after a heartbreak that severe. He would often describe it as a numbing of his senses; still functioning but not at full capacity. 

He recognized the shadow on the other side before he got to the door. He stopped and couldn't breath.

"Sherlock, I know you're in there. I was in town and I stopped by our flat only to be told that you moved."

Sherlock didn't know how to respond. Half of him wanted to run, the other half wanted to open the door and embrace the man and pretend that nothing had happened all those years ago.

"Look, you don't have to open the door. Just hear me out. I'm in town because Harry was put in the hospital, and yes it was the drinking. I stopped by to apologize."

Sherlock could see the shadow on the other side of the door shift uncomfortably. He had forgiven John long ago because nobody could fill the hole in his heart the way John Watson had. Sherlock was still fighting the urge to open the door and change his life forever.

"I never meant to hurt you, physically or emotionally. I don't expect you to believe me I just need you to know that I loved you with every fiber of my being. It's just that between Mary's death and Rosie being taken away I needed someone to blame, when I should have blamed myself." 

John sighed and looked at the doorknob, placing his hand on it to make sure everything he was doing was real. Sherlock could tell he had done this many times before in his head, but of course actually putting his heart out there was more painful. This made Sherlock's next thought so much easier to go through with.

"I was drunk that night you were put in the hospital, the night I put you there. I know it doesn't make what I did to you any better, but I truly am sorry. I pushed the greatest thing in my life away, literally beat you out of my life even though I was always going to choose you in the end. I was just about to divorce her before she died but I wanted to talk to you first and make sure that's what you wanted too. I had been planning it long before she shot you, long before we found out about Rosamond. I just never got the balls to do it. Which is why I noticed what I was doing to you, but chose to ignore it because I couldn't be at fault for why my life was so shitty."

Sherlock walked closer to the door and flung it open and he loved what he saw on the other side. John Watson refusing to look up at him because there were tears streaming down his face. He could see and hear in his voice that he was truly sorry and Sherlock was willing to let him back in. Seeing John's face, even scrunched up in pain, was better than not seeing it at all. 

Sherlock reached his hand up to cup John's face. 

"Sherlock, I don't expect you to let me back into your life after all I've done. I am moving back to London to help Harry with her recovery but I swear that if you don't want to see me at all you won't. I wouldn't want to see me either."

"John, I have to tell you. I live here with my boyfriend. He knows all about what you've done and he saved me after all the pain you caused." Sherlock let his hand fall. "Before I do something stupid, something I know I will regret, I need to know why you've come to apologize. Why couldn't you have just let me be happy?" 

Sherlock backs away from the door and takes John's hand to pull him inside. 

"Purely selfish reasons. The last image of you in my head had been you all beaten up near death. I needed to see you healed and alive, so I could live with myself."

Sherlock continued to pull John till they were both on the couch and John was straddling him. His hands moved to John's ass to pull him closer. Sherlock couldn't help himself. He knew what he was doing was wrong and he would end up hurt again, but seeing John again filled the hole that he had left all those years ago. He was finally feeling something; love, lust, pain. Everything that had be presently absent, and oh god had he wanted more.

"Like what you see?"

"Oh God yes."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Why Portland?" Sherlock's head was resting on John's chest while John played with his hair. "When Mycroft told me you left I thought of every possible reason as to why you would choose America of all places. I knew Mycroft was lying to me about the aunt, but I could never figure out the real reason you left London. I new that you wouldn't have left the country just to avoid seeing me." 

John kissed his forehead. "Are you telling me that I stumped the great Sherlock Holmes?" Sherlock looked up at John and the cocky smile that was present on John's face made Sherlock melt.

"No, that's not what I'm saying at all." 

"I thought you would have had all of this figured out the moment you looked at me." John's smile grew wider. "Guess I give you too much credit."

Sherlock analyzed John's face making sure to ignore the mocking grin and tone of his voice so he wouldn't be distracted. It was funny how a man could be more addicted to a lover than a drug. That's what John was to him, his drug of choice, why else would Sherlock let John share his bed again?

"Mycroft didn't lie. You had a sick aunt in Maine, who died about 4 months ago. Cancer, its always cancer, ovarian cancer to be more precise. Ah, but the cancer wasn't the only reason you went, you were running. And while you were running you checked into rehab." Sherlock didn't mean to say the last couple of deductions out loud. He looked away from John's face and traced patterns on his chest.

"I'm sorry, I got a little carried away."

"It's alright. Perfectly alright. The drinking just got out of hand is all. I woke up one morning and thought I saw Harry in the mirror so I went and got help. Apologizing to you was part of my recovery. Oh and in order to get custody of my daughter I need to be off the booze."

Sherlock sat up in bed, looking down at his hands. "How is Rosie?"

John knew Sherlock all too well, well enough to know what he was actually asking. "Rosie was taken away because of my drinking, I only blamed you because I needed to feel like something wasn't my fault. She's been staying with Clara until I can get my act together."

"Is that another reason you're in London? To get custody?"

"Once Harry's better, yeah, that's the plan."

The front door to Sherlock's flat swung open. "Sherlock, love, I'm home." 

Sherlock hurried out of bed and started throwing John's clothes underneath the bed. "Victor's home, get under the bed. Now!" 

John grabbed his pants and tossed them on as he crawled under Sherlock and Victor's shared bed. Everything was just out if sight as Victor opened up the bedroom door.

"We're you having a wank? It smells like sex in here." Victor's tone was playful so Sherlock went along. 

"I was taking a nap, you were the one moaning my name this morning while I was trying to cure you in the other room." 

Victor laughed and watched as Sherlock finished getting dressed. "Dinner?"

"Starving?"

Sherlock practically pushed Victor into the sitting room as he grabbed his coat off the rack. "Let's go out. We haven't done that in awhile."

"Chinese?" 

"Perfect."

John crawled out from underneath the bed and watched them leave though the bedroom window. Sherlock and Victor were holding hands as they walked down the street. Victor stopping now and then to pull Sherlock in for a kiss. John felt the anger boil in chest and it took him every once of strength not to act on it. For the first time in years, John Watson was jealous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you guys liked the second chapter. I am about half way done writing the third so that should be posted soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I know this chapter took me longer to post than the others, but I had some trouble coming up the dialogue. I hope you enjoy!

When Sherlock went to call John the next morning, Victor was still asleep in bed. Sherlock needed to tell John what happened when he got home, but this was really just an excuse to hear his voice. He put on his coat and stepped outside so he could have some privacy and keep Victor from waking.

"Usually I'm the one who calls at such an ungodly hour. Miss my pick too much?"

Sherlock could practically hear the smirk on John's face. "I told Victor about us."

There was a pause on the other side of the phone. Sherlock could picture every expression that was passing over John's face. "Why in the hell would you go and do a thing like that?"

"I didn't want to hurt him anymore than I already had. He took it rather well actually. He wasn't mad or anything. I even told him that I couldn't stop myself from seeing you and he still didn't kick me to the couch. As long as I keep coming home to him we should be fine."

"You care about him more than I thought."

"He's my boyfriend John, of course I care."

Sherlock heard John sigh on the other end. "When am I going to see you again? Am I even going to get to see you now that he knows? I know you said he was fine with it but if a man finds out he's sharing you, there will be blood." 

"Victor isn't Mary, and I'm not you."

"Defending him now are we? That's new."

Sherlock could feel the tears running down his face. He new John wasn't the healthiest thing, but he couldn't stop himself. Whenever he was hurting he needed more; the only thing that stopped the pain was John being inside of him.

"I can be over in twenty minutes."

"See you then." Knowing he was about to get his next fix was enough to stop the tears from flowing and put a smile on his face. 

"John Watson, I believe I'm addicted you you."

"Good thing for me." John hung up the phone and Sherlock started walking. He was on his was to fuck the pain away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ah good morning love, how was your booty call?"

"Victor, what are you still doing here?"

"Honestly Sherlock, now that I know there's no use in avoiding the subject. I wasn't sleeping when you got out of bed at three and I wasn't going to fall back asleep knowing you were with another man."

"Victor, I'm sorry."

"No no, I said it was quite alright. I'm just jealous is all." Sherlock was still in the doorway of their flat, coat half off and smelling like said other man. "I just need a way to mark you as mine, permanently. I think that's the only way I'll be okay with this." Victor's mocking smile hadn't changed since Sherlock got home and it gave Sherlock an unpleasant feeling, but he wasn't quite sure why.

"Tell me Sherlock," Victor walked over to Sherlock's position in the doorway and helped him out of his coat. "Is your arrangement with John Watson just sex, or is there something more to it?" Victor led Sherlock to the sofa. " I know you love him, but do you show him?"

"You mean with mind blowing orgasms?"

"No no, that's not what I mean at all. Okay what you did with my office door handle, anything like that?"

"My meetings with John have only been physical."

"Good, excellent. Now go shower, we have brunch reservations."

Sherlock got up off the sofa and headed to the bathroom. "Brunch reservations? Don't you have work?"

"Called out, personal day."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Now that we're sitting in a very expensive restaurant I'm going to tell you my plan."

"Plan? Victor what on earth are you talking about?"

The waitress brought over their food and filled their glasses with more wine. Victor smiled at her and began to eat. "Oh god, this steak is incredible! Love, please eat your lobster, I want you to enjoy it." 

"Victor, what could you not have told me at the flat?"

"I bought you a lobster. I suggest you eat it so the poor creature didn't die in vain. Now love, tell me about this case you're working on."

"There isn't one."

"Oh come on, you always have a case."

"I haven't had a case in the last couple of months."

"Yes you have, John Watson. For arguments sake he's the case."

Sherlock didn't like seeing Victor like this. In fact, Sherlock can't remember a time where Victor wasn't anything but happy and full of love. He missed that Victor, missed him desperately. 

"I'm surprised there isn't one besides him. Sherlock Holmes, choosing sex instead of crime solving. Maybe that will be the title for Dr. Watson's next blog post."

"Enough." He was getting extremely irritated now. "Look Victor, it's true that John has consumed more than just my time over these past months, but that doesn't mean that my feelings for you have changed. I know what I'm doing is wrong and you have every right to be upset, but please stop acting like a child. I love you and if me not seeing John makes you happy, then so be it."

Sherlock new everything he just said was a lie, but he was hoping Victor believed him. "No, he makes you happy. I can't ask you to give up something that makes you happy." Victor looked down, staring at his plate. "I'm sorry, I'm just nervous is all. I'm really not that jealous, promise." Sherlock reached his hand across the table to cup Victor's face. "I'm in love with you, idiot. You make me happier than John Watson ever has." Another lie, Sherlock did love Victor, but he couldn't stop seeing John, he was broken without him. 

Victor looked up and smiled at Sherlock. It was the same smile Victor gave him the night he came to 221B to dull the pain. The smile made Sherlock melt. 

Victor took a deep breath and placed both his hands over both of Sherlock's. "William Sherlock Scott Holmes, I have loved you every moment since I first met you. Now that I know what it's like to be your boyfriend I have no intention on changing that at all. Well, maybe a little bit." Victor got on one knee and reached into his coat pocket and pulled out the most gorgeous ring Sherlock has ever seen. "Will you do me the honor of making me the happiest man in the world? Sherlock Holmes, will you marry me?"

Sherlock couldn't stop the tears from flowing down his face. The look Victor had in his eyes was full of love and adoration. Sherlock saw his Victor, the Victor he fell in love with years ago, and the Victor that made the decision John never had. 

"Yes, yes yes, of course."

Victor got up off the ground and picked Sherlock up into a breath taking kiss and the people around them cheered. As the excitement died down and both the men returned to eating their dinners, Sherlock was barley listening to Victor go on and on about venues and flower arrangements. Instead he sent a quick text.

_Victor and I are engaged, have to stop seeing eachother. Goodbye, John. -SH_

He didn't have to wait long for the reply.

_My custody hearing is next week. See you then._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Do we really have to have a party to announce our engagement?"

"We've been engaged for a week and the only people who know are the small audience we had at the restaurant and ourselves. Oh, and Dr. Watson."

Sherlock looked at Victor out of the corner of his eye. "Please tell me how you came to that conclusion." Sherlock couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face.

"Easy. You haven't left bed early in the morning and you're always here when I get home. And the only cases you go on are the ones Greg has to drag you out of the flat for."

"You have Lastrad update you on my progress on the case."

"No, I don't need him to. You tell me about the cases, love. You stopped doing it when he came into the picture. Did you really cut ties with him after I proposed?"

"Staying in contact with a separate lover when ones going to be a married man would only repeat history." Victor turned around and gave Sherlock a small smile that didn't meet his eyes.

"Well I better get going, I'm going to be late as is." Victor crossed the room and embraced Sherlock in a passionate kiss before leaving the flat. 

Just as Victor walked out onto the street, Sherlock received a text.

_Ignoring me isn't going to solve anything._

Sherlock had gotten text like this at least once a day since the proposal. He knew John was stubborn, but he was beginning to get on Sherlock's nerves. 

_When I got married we still saw eachother, why does now have to be different? You said he doesn't mind, so what's the big deal?_

Sherlock never texted John back. He hoped John would get the hint and move on but that never seemed to happen.

_As a reminder, my custody hearing for Rosie is tomorrow and I need to to be a witness to my sobriety. If you don't show up I don't get my daughter._

Sherlock was sure that the custody hearing was just an excuse. Sherlock couldn't have excuses, he was quitting his addiction and seeing John might cause him to relapse. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ah Welcome Mycroft, so glad you could make it."

"It's a pleasure Victor." Mycroft entered the flat and went to stand next to his younger brother. "Sherlock, why didn't you tell Victor you already told your family about the engagement?" 

"It would break his heart. As it is he was devastated that our parents couldn't make it. Not my fault they can't keep a secret."

Victor made his way to the center of the sitting room. The smile that was present on his face melted Sherlock's heart. He loved this man. Victor was the greatest thing that had ever happened to him and this wedding was going to make the both of them even happier, at least that's what Sherlock kept telling himself. Victor motioned for Sherlock to stand by his side, so he made it to the center, being surrounded by all their friends and coworkers.

"Everyone, thank you for coming. Now the reason that Sherlock and I asked you all to come was because we have an announcement." Victor looked up at Sherlock, an expression full of love an happiness. "We're engaged."

As the room filled with cheers and congratulations, Sherlock found a break in the excitement and went outside to clear his head. 

He pulled out a cigarette and brought it to his lips. It was just the thing he needed to calm down enough to think.

"You're smoking?" He was so lost in thought he didn't hear footsteps approach him on the sidewalk.

"Ah, John. I was waiting for you to show up here but you're a lot less angry than I pictured you."

"Give me that." John ripped the cigarette out of his hand and threw it on the ground.

Sherlock turned to face him. "I ended it John, I thought you would have realized that from me breaking up with and then proceeding to ignore you."

"I'm not here to get back together with you idiot. I'm here about Rosie."

"No you're not."

"Yes, yes I am." John's voice never rose and sounded slightly panicked. "I get it I'm a horrible person and Victor is the man of your dreams and that's great I'm happy for you. Rosie is all I have. You're the only person I've seen since I've been back in London outside of work. You knew who I was before and you know the man I am now. Sherlock, I need my best friend to help me get my daughter back. After this, if you never want to see me again, I'll take Rosie and we'll go back to America."

Sherlock got a glimpse of something in John that he hadn't seen in a while. In that moment Sherlock was reminded of his humanity and of the greater man and detective John had made him. Sherlock then realized that he wanted no part of his new life, he wanted to return to what once was. 

Without saying anything Sherlock ran back inside and up the stairs to the flat. John was screaming after him but didn't follow him up. Sherlock burst open the door and went for his coat and scarf. The room was silent upon his entrance and he could feel everyone staring at him. As he went back out the door he turned around to face the man who's life he was about to ruin. 

"The wedding's off." Then he shut the door, walking out of Victor Trevor's life forever.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm adding an one more chapter than originally planned! Hope you guys enjoy the chapter!

Sherlock ran outside to join John on the pavement. The cold London air nipped and filled him with an excitement that wasn't previously there. 

"What was that about?" John asked with a concern that didn't meet his face, which still had a hint of anger.

"I needed my coat." Sherlock took off, walking down the street. He could hear John's footsteps at a slight jog, trying to keep up. "Why? Where are we going?" The anger was completely gone from John's voice and was replaced with heavy breathing; he had to move faster to keep up with the taller man.

"To your place."

"Oh, okay. Why?" Sherlock turned back to look at John, to tell him that he left Victor, and that he was willing to be a part of John's life in any way John would have him, but as he turned around he saw another man jogging up to them. Sherlock moved toward the man and positioned his body in front of John's. 

"What the bloody hell was all that about?" Victor got closer and Sherlock could see something in Victor's eyes that he had never seen before. "Now you're leaving me for him? After choosing me? What did he say? What did he do to you? I swear to God I'll kill you!" The last remark was directed at John. 

Sherlock had to all but tackle Victor to the ground to prevent him from punching John in the face. In their struggle Victor was pushed and caught himself by stepping several paces back. "Victor, I'm leaving you it's done."

"But why? We were engaged! You were mine! I don't understand!" Tears were running down Victor's face. Sherlock suspected more out of rage than sorrow.

Sherlock felt John move to his side. John's face was seemingly unaffected by the situation. "Victor, there are guests upstair that require an explanation go back inside."

"And what should I tell them, Sherlock? What do I tell our friends? You left me for the man who broke your heart several times over? A man who drove you to a suicide attempt? Remember that Sherlock? Remember the pain?"

"Tell them I left you because you only wanted to marry me out of pride. You saw me as nothing more than your property and you just wanted to stake your claim. You might have loved me once, but we both know love was not the reason behind that proposal. Not when it came from a place of hatred." Sherlock knew he sounded cold. And he was shocked by his own deduction. But he kept his face firm so Victor wouldn't have anything else to use against him.

John's presence was enough for his brain to work at normal capacity. And Sherlock was just beginning to realize that John wasn't the cause for all his pain, Victor was. "You're the one who put me in the hospital." 

Victor's face went form pained to confused and the tears stopped flowing almost immediately. "What?"

"No Sherlock, that was me, I remember." John finally spoke up from beside him. John's eyes were shooting daggers in Victor's direction.

"See love, even the man himself is stating that I've treated you better than he ever has. Now, let's go back inside and forget all this ever happened."

"No. John only remembers what Mycroft told him, just like me. Well, until now." 

"What are you talking about? This is crazy! Have you been using? Has Dr. Watson been-" Victor was cut off by more people joining them on the street. Mycroft and Lastrad walked out onto the sidewalk in an attempt to diffuse the situation. 

"Lastrad, arrest Dr. Watson. He's been supplying Sherlock with drugs." Victor looked like his whole world was falling apart and he was frantically trying to put it back together. Lastrad and Mycroft were visually disturbed by Victor's behavior. 

Sherlock turned to look at Mycroft. "Who told you about my hospitalization? John was still listed as my emergency contact, the hospital must have contacted him. I can't see him contacting you when he sounded so emotionally distraught."

"I found you Sherlock, I was at the hospital before Dr. Watson." Mycroft had a look if confusion on his face which changed in approximately 2.3 seconds. "Oh I see. I should have noticed it sooner. Lastrad, you might want to put my ex. brother in law in handcuffs before this escalates any further."

"It all makes sense. I can't believe it took so long for me to figure it out." Sherlock was smiling now and he turned to meet John face, which still had a bewildered look. "John, you only remember what Mycroft told you happened. You were too drunk that night to remember."

"Are you telling me that I never actually beat you?" Lastrad moved forward and placed handcuffs on Victor. Victor didn't put up a fight as a look of defeat appeared on his face. "That's exactly what I'm telling you John."

"Sherlock, please explain why I'm putting your fiancee in handcuffs."

"Victor came in after John left that night. I had just injected myself with cocaine and had started feeling the affects. I was upset by John's words, buy not his actions. Victor came in after, beat me and then injected me with a fatal dose. He knew Mycroft was stopping by with another case so he just had to make sure that John would be angry enough to get intoxicated and then come over. Victor therefore, told the authorities that he was a concerned neighbor who heard shouting in the house next door and was concerned for the baby living there with a drunk of a father, meaning John. When the police arrived they found John passed out on the couch with a beer bottle in his hand while Rosie was crying in another room. An investigation was launched because the cop that arrived had a vendetta again child neglect, that was just luck. It wasn't intended to go that far. You just wanted to scare John into thinking he was going to lose his child, not actually get Rosie taken away. You hated our relationship, not John himself. John got drunk enough to convince himself that he was a danger to me and his daughter which caused John to give up custody until he could prove himself and leave me to get clean the most affective way he knew how. Which turned out better than you could have hoped. It was an excellent plan. You even accounted for me not being at my full abilities by drugging my tea every morning so I wouldn't be able to figure out your scheme." 

There was no expression on Victor's face. Everyone else looked dumbfounded. After a couple seconds Victor gave a small smile. "Very good Sherlock, only one thing. I never had to drug you to convince you that you were worthless and needed me; you did that all on your own."

That was the last straw. Before Sherlock could stop him, John walked up to Victor and punched him right in the nose. Lastrad then called Scotland Yard and Victor was taken into custody. 

"What I don't understand, brother of mine, is how my man in America was killed without my knowledge."

"Victor had a business trip about a year ago. He had a military background, but didn't like to talk about it. I only was able to deduce that he worked as a trained killer. I thought he was ashamed by the numerous people that he killed."

"I always suspected you had a thing for blokes in uniform." John chimed in. The smile on his face was infectious and Sherlock found himself smiling back. He knew he should be upset that the man he loved was the reason his life had been ruined, but when John was looking at him like that he just couldn't find an once of despair. Sherlock turned so he was completely facing John. 

"With Victor's confession you're case will be looked over again. Instead of going through a trial the judge will more than likely just give you custody. He already has proof of the rehab so there should be nothing else that would inhibit him from thinking you're a good father."

John's smile got wider. And Sherlock's did too. There were so many things they wanted to say to eachother; apologies and professions of love. They knew that this wasn't the time or the place for everything left unsaid. 

"I'll take that as my cue to leave as well. And I suggest you both do the same before the rest of your guests realize that it's safe to come outside." Mycroft offered before stepping into an unmarked vehicle. Molly and Mrs. Hudson were the first of the guests to be brave enough to walk out onto the sidewalk. Molly walked over to Sherlock and John and pulled both men into a hug. 

"I'm so happy for the both of you, sorry about Victor Sherlock, but I always new you too would end up together."

Sherlock looked at John and he could see a glimmer of hope in the shorter man's eye. Is this what they were now? Together? Without another person in between them? Sherlock could only hope. 

"Does that mean you'll be moving back in? Baker Street has been quiet since both you boys left. I don't like it." Sherlock pulled Mrs. Hudson into a hug.  
"That's more than likely to happen yes." He then offered her a faint smile.

"It was nice to see everyone, but Sherlock has been through a lot and he really needs to rest. Doctors orders."

"Ah, I'm afraid John's right. I really have to agree with Doctor Watson on this one. I did just witness my fiancee get arrested after all." 

"Lastrad already informed me what happened. Mrs. H and I can tell the rest of Victor's family and send them home for you boys." Molly was doing them a larger favor than she realized. Sherlock suspected that John wanted nothing more to be buried inside him and was starting to get impatient. Sex first, feelings later. Sherlock couldn't agree with that order more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The walk back to John's flat seemed to go on forever. They were only a couple blocks away but they walk there was in silence. Sherlock took John's hand as soon as they were out of sight from Sherlock's old life. 

John was the first one to speak. He stopped suddenly on the sidewalk and waited for Sherlock to face him and take his other hand. "I didn't beat you that night. It doesn't excuse what I said or how I reacted. Hell, how I treated you after Mary died is also inexcusable. I knew you were using. I suspected that you were increasing your doses in such a way that would prove fatal over a period of time and I did nothing about it. I was too mad at myself and I was taking it out on you." 

"John."

"No. Let me finish."

John wasn't looking at Sherlock before, and when he did he had tears in his eyes. Sherlock couldn't think of anything else to do but squeeze John's hands in his. The next thing John said he said with a shaky breath.

"I'm different now. I know how horribly I treated you and I know that you are the greatest possible thing that has ever happened to me. I have loved you since the day that we met and I have never stopped. I will regret how I've treated you everyday, but from this day forward I will devote my life to making you as happy as possible. Even if, if after everything that has happened you still don't want me to be a part of your life I understand. I only want you to be happy. Sherlock."

Both of the men had tears streaming down their faces. Sherlock felt all the pain and sorrow that John had expressed in his eyes. He had forgiven John long ago. But to see this man, putting his heart out in the middle of the street, made him sure that his previously made decision was the right one.

"John, I'm going back to your flat for a reason." A small smile appeared on Sherlock's face and John reflected it back. Sherlock moved down and placed a passionate kiss on John's lips. They stood there like that, alone on the street embraced in each other's arms, for what seemed like hours before they broke away. Sherlock looked lovingly into John's eyes and placed a kiss on his forehead before whispering. "I am yours John Watson. I have always been. And I will continue to be until the end of time."

And with that they continued walking down the street. They continued to walk hand in hand, laughing and joking about everything that had just happened. It surprised both of them how quickly that were able to shift back into how things were before Mary, before Victor. And the two of them wouldn't have had it any other way.


End file.
